Prime Minister Gordon Brown, texture like sun, has shown that he is too stupid to keep his mouth shut even though he has made a complete dog's arse of everything he's ever done ever.

Mr Brown had previously told MPs that capital spending would rise - comments which Tory leader David Cameron called "misleading." Mr Cameron said that the PM had been "caught abso-cocking-lutely red handed" since capital spending was actually set to fall. He added "You'd better wheel out the apology sharpish, because your as fucked as it gets, me old china," before looking so smug you would be physically sick, believe me.

In response Mr Brown said "I can 100% categorically state without a shadow of a doubt that capital spending will most definitely rise," adding "Unless it stays the same, in which case it won't. What it definitely won't do - I can positively reassure everyone here with complete certainty - is fall.

"Unless it drops of course, which it may do, but technically that's ok because 'drop' and 'fall' are two completely different words even if, in some situations, probably including this one, they mean exactly the same thing.

"Did anyone watch the tennis last night?"

Stinky Ponky's political analyst, Professor John Wonderwall from the University of Western Democracy in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia said "Is he still the Prime Minister? Amazing. I wouldn't fancy being in his shoes right now. Be Gordon Brown? I'd rather smear jam on my genitalia and use them to attract wild badgers."