Professor Dave Watt, a leading expert on cockroaches, was put in charge of the team of scientists conducting the research. He said "This is an important scientific breakthrough which brings us a step closer to understanding the breakdown of MPs as a whole. This particular specimen was not an MP at the time of examination, but had still clearly retained the characteristics and presumably the genetic makeup from his time as an MP. We'd like to conduct a series of lengthy, painful experiments on some current MPs for two reasons; firstly it will allow us to test our theory, and secondly it would be fucking magic.

"If we could determine the genetic makeup of Gordon Brown, texture like sun, by smacking him in the fun sausage with a meat mallet, I personally would shit myself laughing. And perhaps this would also be a good opportunity to take some scrapings from David Cameron's shiny face with a cheese grater. I'm not sure we'd actually learn anything in either case, but I for one am willing to take that risk. We might as well have a look at Nick Clegg while we're on, to determine exactly what pointlessness is made from.

"This may be the breakthrough we've been looking for in our search for the chemical reaction that causes MPs to shag the British taxpayer right up the shitter at any given opportunity. That's just the start of it though. We also hope to be able to discover why no politician ever answers the fucking question; how in the name of Holy Mary's fake virginity Jacqui Smith ever became a cabinet member; and most importantly of all, exactly what chemical combination is required to dissolve John Prescott."

Stinky Ponky's political analyst, Professor John Wonderwall from the University of Western Democracy in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia said "Westminster may have more curly turds than the back yard at Crufts, but what are we as the British public going to do about it? We need to focus on solutions, not problems.

"Like buying a giant toilet brush to poke Alistair Darling with until he breaks up and goes round the bend."