The article, penned by Bigot in Chief Dave Watt, explained that Clegg oncewent to Germany where he spoke to Germans, occasionally in German, just like Hitler used to do - all the time. This clear evidence that Clegg eats babies has cast a whole new light on the recently canonised Lib Dem leader, and has caused many Daily Mail readers to get very angry, shout and demand the return of the death penalty, although that might be just because someone used their drive to turn the car around.

History Teacher Herbert Goering told Stinky Ponky "As a reader of the Daily Mail and a patriot I refuse to allow this apparent collapse of our political system to continue. David Cameron quite rightly had this one in the bag, until this upstart Clegg, who is almost certainly a rapist, came along and convinced the nation's doped up, hippy communists to stop pissing themselves long enough to vote. Well I for one will not stand idly by while basic human rights are being oppressed, so I intend to join in.

"I regularly ask my wife what this country is coming to, and I have been doing so ever since she explained to me that our decent, hard working Milkman had been forced to take a second job as a naked wardrobe inspector to pay for all the immigrants. Well, only last week a scruffy, long haired lout, who must have only just cut his hair and put on some nice clothes in order to try and fool the gullible, walked up the drive to MY HOUSE and put a Liberal Democrat leaflet through MY LETTERBOX! And if you don't believe me I can prove it, because he's still in the boot of my car. If you ask me he's probably a gay homosexual as well, because his bottom feels very soft indeed."

At the Conservative Party headquarters a spokesman told Stinky Ponky "I find it very strange that the Conservatives are being accused of trying to smear Mr Clegg's reputation. Of course we are, this is a General Election after all. Smearing is perfectly natural under these circumstances. But I think you'll find that we don't have to look far to find bad things about Mr Clegg. When examining the expense claims you can forget duck houses and the like. Mr Clegg charged the general public £2.49 for a CAKE TIN!

"A bloody cake tin for Christ's sake. He may as well have shat on the baby Jesus."