The move indicates a significant shift for Mr Cameron, who has previously ignored attempts to introduce more female MPs due to their "tendency to cry and the lack of required cleaning in the House of Commons." It is believed that a friend of Mr Cameron lent him a swedish video about modern lesbianity which has had a profound effect on the Tory leader.

 

"It has been brought to my attention that we need more women in the Conservative party," he told the Commons today, "especially lesbian women. We're really very interested indeed in lesbian women."

 

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, texture like sun, responded by saying "We will also have shed loads of lesbians in our party, but in order to encourage diversity some of ours will be asian lesbians. Ha."

 

Mr Cameron told the PM "Well what a turn up and no mistake. I go for lesbians and suddenly you're all like 'well we're lesbo city over here.' FYI Gordon, we will of course have asian lesbians, it goes without saying that some of our lesbians will be asian. To be honest I'm frankly amazed you want more tits in your party, you seem to have more than enough as it is you floppy little wee-tube."

 

The PM replied "Ours will be better looking than yours and will probably kiss each other quite a lot," leading Mr Cameron to say "What, really? In front of everyone? That's... interesting. Excuse me a moment."

 

Mr Clegg told the Speaker's Conference "Well, not only will we have multicultural lesbians, we will also have transexuals, shemales and lots of athletic, young, gay men in nothing but tight, skimpy Speedos that will display their well toned, oiled bodies with their rippling muscles and smouldering good looks. They will drape themselves nonchalantly across the backbenches with a slight, wry smile on their faces, gazing out at us like Greek gods through beautiful, deep blue, come-to-bed eyes.

 

"What are you all staring at?"