IRISH MPs ASK "CAN WE SAY TITS?"

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December 15th 2009


I want a swear box that says "fuck" not "*%$!!?&[-$#!"
Irish MPs have been startled to discover that they were allowed to say 'fuck' in parliament all this time, leading to much speculation about whether 'tits', 'bollocks' and 'Paisley' would also be allowed.
 
The revelation came as MP Paul Gogarty lost his temper in the Irish parliament, saying to Labour party whip Emmett Stagg "With all due respect Deputy Stagg, fuck you, you fucking, fucking fuck." Although he later apologised for the use of '"unparliamentary language" he also pointed out that the documents which detail the words that cannot be said in parliament do not include 'fuck' - leading some to say that they need updating.
 
The 83 page document, entitled Salient Rulings on Words What You Can't Use bars the use of 'fadge, wizzle, horse fluffty, leprechaun and love truncheon' but makes no reference to 'fuck.' One MP was heard to say "It appears that there's always been room for 'fuck' in Irish politics. I would have used a lot more 'fuck' if I'd have known. In fact I'm going back in there now and I'm going to say nothing but 'fuck' until they change the rules."
 
In the House of Commons Prime Minister Gordon Brown, texture like sun, asked the Speaker "Are we allowed to say fuck Mr Bercow? And can we say nadgers? How about flange? And jism? Can I call Mr Cameron a piss stain?"
 
In fact it is even less clear what can be said in the House of Commons. The only historical record dates from 1787 when the MP for Wimbledon, Sir Tobermory Womble, compared a fellow MP to "winkle-froth." The Speaker of the House of Commons, Sir Charles Wolfran Cornwall, told him "Sir, such things are not said amongst gentleman with honour and respect for one another. I find that I have no option but to ask you to leave parliament, and never to fill it's hallowed halls again with such gutter language.
 
"Now get out, you shitty little fuck-stick."

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