Ms Harman, a founder member of the Dire Straits fan club, has said that one of the two top jobs in the labour party should always be occupied by a titted MP. "Men cannot be left to run things on their own," she said, adding "If I left my hubby alone for more than a few hours he'd probably accidentally wire himself up to the national grid or something. I left him for just half an hour on Saturday and came home to discover that the awful smell coming from the kitchen was being made by the gerbil, which was in the toaster.

 

"We've all seen unaccompanied men wandering aimlessly amongst the traffic. No, it's time to make sure that someone in the top two always has a vagina. Now, who could that be? Hmmm, top labour politicians with vaginas, let me think... Now that Jacqui 'Tits' Smith has retired to help her husband masturbate and Hazel 'Smurf' Blears has returned to Wille Wonka's chocolate factory there aren't many labour MPs with ovaries left. Leave it with me. There must be someone."

 

Stinky Ponky's political analyst, Professor John Wonderwall from the University of Western Democracy in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia said "You have to admire her really. She's achieved something I never thought possible - people are actually missing Gordon Brown, texture like sun. Amazing. Women across the country are cringing in shame at the thought of being connected with her. When I went home last night it took me twenty minutes to find my wife. She'd curled herself into an embarrassed foetal postion behind the sofa and was refusing to admit that she existed.

 

When Stinky Ponky queried number 10 aides about whether Ms Harman had her eye's on the role of Prime Minister they told us "No, it's nothing like that. He doesn't have anything to fear from her at all. She wants to be labour party leader - Mr Cameron can relax."