May 17th 2009

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, texture like sun, announced drastic changes to the way MP's claim for expenses after further embarrassment today.

Labour MP Elliot Morley carelessly forgot that British taxpayers had already paid for his mortgage and got them to pay for it again. He tells us he is "heartbroken" over his error whereas voters are just really, really relieved and will be glad to get the cash back when all of this is sorted out.

In a shock move today the PM has finally decided to stop trying to out-apologise David Cameron and actually do something about it. Greater powers will be granted to the Westminster expenses office when dealing with claims. MP's will be made to request their money back while stood under a spotlight on a trapdoor over a pit of angry badgers in front of a live TV audience on a show called "This Better Be Good" hosted by Ant and Dec. Audience members will then be able to vote on whether or not they think the MP is taking the piss before it goes over to a telephone vote.

"It's going to make them think twice before filling the form in" said Professor John Wonderwall, our political analyst from the University of Western Democracy in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. "No one wants a public badgering."

Yesterday the Prime Minister, an avid Last of the Summer Wine fan, apologised again for his party members expense claims saying "We're really the sorriest MP's ever right now, far sorrier than any Conservative MP's or the ones from the other party, you know, with the yellow badge."

David Cameron responded by telling us "I'm kingy sorry, no returns."