Some polls have even gone further, suggesting that the vast majority of people couldn't really give a nun's fudge-hole now, but they all agree that even those who are genuinely interested in politics would rather sandpaper their genitals than think about it once the weekend arrives. The diffculty would seem to come from the fact that large numbers of people are trying to be interested in politics, and talking a load of old vagina about it down the pub to try and impress people, without realising that these people just want them to shut up and die.

Professor Dave Watt from the Skopje University of Numbers and More Numbers in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia told Stinky Ponky "There's a floating group of people that don't give a fuck but are pretending to give a fuck; or who would like to give a fuck and are despereately trying to give a fuck but just can't manage to give a fuck; or who are simply giving the appearance of giving a fuck because they don't want to look like fuck-tards; who are fucking it all up.

"We've had to develop new methods to manipulate the data we're receiving, involving several weeks work with complicated computer models and a new sub set of recalculated algorithms in order to try and filter the data with any degree of accuracy. In the end we gave up and just used the counter thing that Facebook have added to everyone's news feed. It's about as accurate, for all we know. And to be quite honest, I couldn't give a bishop's bell-end what happens, so, you know.... Fuck it."

On the campaign trail politicians have been desperately trying to maintain public interest by using a series of stunts to demonstrate their policies. The BNP have taken to punching asians so that deaf people who can't read will understand what they're all about, while UKIP's Nigel Farage flew a light aircraft into the ground in Northamptonshire in a desperate bid to get people to notice him. Despite appeals from many members of the public Nick Clegg refused to fly a helicopter into a cliff.

Stinky Ponky spoke to Mrs The Queen, who is actually in charge only not really, who said "Although one is officially completely neutral, this is due to necessity rather than design. It is the way things should be. In all honesty however, one finds oneself in much the same position as that of one's subjects.

"One could not give a rat's fanny."