The move comes as a hoodie in Cornwall, who seems to have objected to David Cameron's offer to hug him, chose to throw an egg at the Tory leader, missing a perfectly good opportunity to cave his stupid fucking face in with half a breeze block, or similar. The project, sponsored by Jewsons, aims to encourage first time voters to become involved in real politics by lobbing shit at wankers. 

Tescos are leading the way in the campaign, with several different types of missiles already available. Tescos Chief Executive Officer Dave Watt told Stinky Ponky "Modern politics has become a murky broth containing evil sharks made entirely from shit swimming in its filthy depths, simply waiting for the opportunity to bite your legs off. We've tried to help by simplifying the choice for those who can't be bothered with politics but will certainly moan about it when the shit hits the fan.

"In the blue egg boxes you will find half a red brick to break Mr Cameron's plastic head with. In the red are sections of kerbstone to knock that stupid fucking glass eye out of Gordon Brown's massive head. In the yellow are some pieces of breeze block. Nothing says 'Actually Mr Clegg, I don't think the sun resides in your ringpiece like everyone else seems to' quite like a chunk of breeze block in the cock. And finally, in the brown box is a semi-automatic pistol, because when it comes to Nick Griffin we don't want to take any chances."

Competitors Morrison's have taken a slightly different tack. Managing Director Jim Morrison told us "We haven't targeted our egg alternatives at specific parties, but we are offering a varied range to Joe Public, and anyone else who wants to buy them for that matter. In our egg section you will find several types of brick and stone, as well as dog shit, cat shit, goat shit, camel shit, monkey shit and elephant shit. And eggs."

Stinky Ponky's political correspondent Christian Syants said "Many people feel the urge to launch something at a politician but somewhere along the line the message became confused and eggs were involved. Eggs are not really suitable objects to launch at politicians, unless they are hollowed out and filled with concrete or anthrax. In fact there's a nice little activity for parents with young children. It's just important in this day an age that your average voter can see that their actions make a real difference. Hard objects can make that difference. And shit. Shit is good too.

"But take care, because research has shown that the back of a shovel can result in Anne Widdecombe."