Colin the tiger, who has been described by his old handler affectionately as 'a bit of a bruiser' and by his new handler as 'a fucking evil bastard' was gently led into the PM's residence early this morning and the door was closed behind him. There was an expectant hush as onlookers waited in the charged silence for some noise from within. Eventually after half an hour had passed uneventfully, Colin's old handler Dave Watt gently opened the front door of number 10 to find Colin still standing where he'd been left, in apparent confusion.

Dave told Stinky Ponky "Colin didn't seem to know what to do next and appeared baffled by suddenly finding himself in a strange new environment. I thought he might be nervous so I tickled his neck to calm and reassure him, and when he seemed a bit more relaxed I took his favourite plastic chew toy from my pocket and smacked him in the testicles with it before fucking off pretty sharpish.

"It got a lot louder then, as Colin smashed his way through the house closely followed by his throbbing gonads. It wasn't long before the screaming started.

"Finally Prime Minister David Cameron, texture like sun, burst from a first floor window in a shower of glass wearing his Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, fluffy rabbit slippers and a terrified expression. He hit the ground running with Colin not far behind him and I last saw them both heading in the direction of Big Ben. Since then I have to admit I've been feeling a bit guilty about the whole thing. I'm not sure he really deserved that.

"At the end of the day, he's just a tiger."