May 26th 2009

David Cameron has spoken of restoring “people power” today, pledging to bring “big change” and “massive, sweeping, radical redistribution of…” blah dee fucking blah.

No one is entirely certain what David Cameron - extreme ironing enthusiast - is referring to as we’re all somewhat distracted with MPs radically redistributing public funds via their expense accounts. That’s making it a little bit hard to concentrate to be honest, but never mind, it will be a great relief when it’s all put back in our bank accounts then we can have a great big belly laugh about the whole silly misunderstanding. OMG it will be funny... LMAO.

We asked some people on the streets of Norwich what they intend to do with the windfall and what they think about Mr Cameron’s speech.

Robert Van Bilder, a bricklayer told Stinky Ponky; “David who is planning what? I’m sorry my mind’s elsewhere at the minute. I’ve been speaking with the neighbours about what we’re going to with the cash when it comes back. We’re planning to close the cul-de-sac to have a street party and if the weather’s good we’ll have a paddling pool filled with Babycham. Personal I’m going to drink until I shit myself stupid.”

Jake Tweeny, a children’s entertainer told us; “What an utter fucking cock he is. I’ve already booked the strip club for me and my mates. It’s tits all the way for us! I love tits.”

Carmen Gnome, a flower arranger told us; “I’m using mine for a good cause. I saw a poor young man standing at the top of the motorway slip road near my friend’s house in Cambridge last week. He had a piece of card that had ‘LONDON’ written on it. I felt really sorry for him as it was raining and I think I splashed him as I drove past. I’m giving my money to the council to put a proper sign to London there.”