Your grip on reality... http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Fri, 25 Nov 2011 14:55:38 +0000 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 14:52:10 +0000 FeedForAll v2.0 (2.0.2.9) http://www.feedforall.com New figures made up by the Department of Statistics reveal that 115% of the British public would rather lick vomit off a dead badger than listen to anything more about the Leveson Inquiry. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/leveson-inquiry.php 209845E9-8972-4A34-98B7-7E87436F0218 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 14:52:10 +0000 People with heads have used mouths in their faces to question what could possibly be wrong with a world that doesn't allow us to burn little Jimmy Murdoch before putting him out, letting him recover and then burning him again, but properly. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/burn-james-murdoch.php DC54B4C4-1248-475C-B0C6-343DDAFF2498 Thu, 10 Nov 2011 20:52:29 +0000 Prime Minister David Cameron, texture like sun, has told reporters that he is "100%" behind his chancellor George Osborne, giving George a cheeky wink and a slap on the bum after he said it, which appeared to make Mr Osborne quite uncomfortable. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/cameron-osborne.php F7DD8D24-E2B0-4BD6-8779-E5945CDEB9CE Wed, 27 Jul 2011 08:29:44 +0100 Britons are thanking the holy baby Jesus that in the midst of human tragedy both at home and abroad as well as a phone hacking scandal of epic proportions they can at least go and look at Kate Middleton's wedding dress. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/that-dress.php A36ADD4A-99C3-4EF7-B67D-980A521E4F18 Tue, 26 Jul 2011 08:09:51 +0100 Millions of people in Britain have become deeply confused by exactly how the death of Amy Winehouse fits in to the whole phone hacking thing, leading the Prime Minister to release a statement confirming that the two are completely unrelated. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/winehouse-hacking.php 35237E82-110E-4017-991C-2D3B1C5E65FE Mon, 25 Jul 2011 14:08:35 +0100 James Murdoch, son of media tycoon Rupert Murdoch, has admitted that he and his father were completely unaware of the existence of News Corp at any time that anything nasty was happening, and that actually he only became aware of his own name between April 2006 and sometime last year, maybe earlier this year. Don't quote me on that. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/murdochs-unaware.php 6D5061C5-1664-4843-B46C-6409A5639DBB Wed, 20 Jul 2011 08:18:58 +0100 The BBC has confirmed that ex-tennis player, commentator and possibly the only living person to have had a butcher's at Sir Cliff Richard's trouser snake, Sue Barker, will host it's new quiz program A Question of Hacking which begins this afternoon on BBC1. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/question-of-hacking.php 7BECBFB6-6243-42B0-AF80-85038913F24D Tue, 19 Jul 2011 13:46:31 +0100 Salvation Army Officer Dave Watt has launched a Youtube appeal asking Bette Midler to shake hands with his little soldier, saying: "I can take you to the ball, Cinderella," and winking before adding: "When I say ball I mean balls. Meaning my testicles. I'm basically asking you for a handjob." http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/sally-army.php D8C57C03-B1C2-4344-856D-3BDCC861C7A1 Fri, 15 Jul 2011 08:52:52 +0100 Labour leader Miliband, Ed Miliband, escaped from the flaming remnants of News Corp HQ situated in a hollowed out volcano beneath the Pacific Ocean earlier yesterday after defeating the evil Dr Murdoch, before offering a cheesy innuendo to his superiors and shagging a chemical and biological weapons expert called Professor Fanny Bucket. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/milibond.php 51754E4B-885B-45D3-AEC4-2ACB1565CC77 Thu, 14 Jul 2011 14:29:13 +0100 A campaign aimed at getting Northern Ireland's youngsters more closely involved with the political activism there was last night being hailed a success, after police reported that children as young as five, had been observed driving flaming, petrol bomb-laden micro scooters into police lines. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/derry-derry.php 207AE18B-AFCB-4B7D-9E1F-B3F69BF058F5 Thu, 14 Jul 2011 08:30:31 +0100 As David Cameron's heart goes out to Gordon and Sarah Brown over allegations that their family's confidential medical records were fraudulently obtained by undercover investigators working for the Sunday Times, Stinky Ponky can exclusively reveal that the same heart has been removed for political purposes, along with his backbone. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/wizard-of-toss.php C914E1C6-E791-48AC-996A-ABA7446C2280 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:10:36 +0100 Liam and Noel Gallagher have been busy reminding everyone that they used to be in a band and that the band's name was 'Oasis'. The band no longer plays together as a band, but Liam has a new band, called 'BDI', which features not two, but one Gallagher brother - himself. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/oasis-remembered.php 12A190E9-3F1B-42CC-BC11-409BADA58196 Wed, 13 Jul 2011 08:30:00 +0100 A new female release of the occasionally controversial Beckham has been announced to a mixed response from critics and fans alike, many of whom feel that the female versions of the Beckham have so far been, in essence, shite. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/beckham-seven.php 11BAA99F-51AC-4478-9165-3FCE64245575 Tue, 12 Jul 2011 08:07:16 +0100 After her recent shock departure from the Littlewoods Catalogue customer care line, Cheryl Cole has finally bagged the role of her dreams at Greggs the bakers. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/cole-job.php 22C58609-C006-4662-B81F-6602037D732E Mon, 11 Jul 2011 13:37:26 +0100 As Rupert Murdoch left his Mayfair home yesterday with one arm around Rebekah Brooks everyone started to feel the need to scrub their brains with bleach as they realised he was doing her. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/murdoch-brooks.php 02CD57AF-AF44-415B-9F8F-31C1FBD39D68 Mon, 11 Jul 2011 07:45:05 +0100 Stinky Ponky has hired an ex-BT Telecoms Engineer and Magnum PI to help us gain access to Rebekah Brooks' telephone conversations. Below are transcripts of some of her calls. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/brooks-phone.php 9272CAA5-3705-4F0A-9ED5-6B5CB8883E84 Fri, 8 Jul 2011 13:20:42 +0100 Prime Minister David Cameron, texture like sun, has once more called for Rupert Murdoch to do us all a favour and jump off a bridge or something. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/murdoch-suicide.php 65BD3A2D-CC06-4D7A-A0B0-29B62A62E936 Thu, 7 Jul 2011 11:04:50 +0100 A footballer from a top Premiership club has today been exposed for completely failing to shag around like a horny dog while his wife was shopping for shoes. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/sport/faithful-footballer.php 855D42B8-717A-4B04-A1E1-006145874DCB Wed, 6 Jul 2011 11:23:50 +0100 Minister for Evil, Satan, has voiced concerns over the latest News of the World phone hacking revelations, saying "At this rate I might have to consider putting Hitler on parole to make a bit of space down here." http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/dowler-phone-hacking.php 0E2241FB-BDE1-4B38-98F8-D93637CED34B Tue, 5 Jul 2011 11:12:30 +0100 Police were called to a farm in Kent at the weekend following claims that someone was torturing a midget in a field only to be told by the midget that he was a Prince and actually it was music. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/prince.php 4DC4B4EF-A42F-4EE6-B6AF-8099A9C8D239 Mon, 4 Jul 2011 13:53:28 +0100 The National Institute of Mother-In-Law Studies (NIMILS) has today released figures revealing that mother-in-laws are definitely not getting any nicer and are in fact more likely than ever to make son and daughter-in-laws want to give them a nudge under a bus. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/mil.php 6A8A2BA5-BA77-4DE6-B19C-16E77B5945C1 Fri, 1 Jul 2011 10:09:20 +0100 Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke has announced that he is currently writing a book about all the ways in which he would like the British public to make burglars hurt and hurt and hurt with PAIN. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/clarke.php C5AB92E6-7AA7-4908-8789-D6BB17D61093 Thu, 30 Jun 2011 14:51:14 +0100 In a move thought to be triggered by the financial instability of Miliband’s favourite shop, Jane Norman, the labour party today announced plans to abolish the private sector. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/private.php E42E7195-EA54-4419-86FE-355AAD87D0A8 Thu, 30 Jun 2011 08:05:08 +0100 The Prince of Wales has bucked the popular trend of earning less money than normal during the recession by taking an 18% pay rise to finance the important business of talking to fucking trees. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/charlie.php 09D5EDEB-1B2D-431C-A69F-62D8FAEBECAF Wed, 29 Jun 2011 12:21:29 +0100 In an unexpected shake up of the Cabinet, David Cameron has appointed Kerry Katona as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Kerry is said to have wet herself slightly when she heard the news, but it is not known if she understood the statement or simply thought someone wanted to take her for a walk. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/katonachancellor.php 961C15CB-091F-40C2-882D-732756BBABEF Wed, 29 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 Hacker group LulzSec have announced that they are disbanding after seeing a picture of a pretty lady with big, naked boobies on the internet and getting a funny feeling in their tummies. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/technology/lulzsec.php 44DA0A34-A290-4C25-B15D-1D7993346171 Tue, 28 Jun 2011 12:13:46 +0100 In a shock move to stimulate their economy Greek Prime Minister Jenifer Aniston today announced plans to reduce the country’s retirement age to 16. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/greece.php 895A266C-883B-4252-AF72-351252005D79 Tue, 28 Jun 2011 08:39:28 +0100 It has emerged this morning that Pope Benedict XVI led a highly covert operation to expose homosexuality amongst his flock. He tells all in his newly published autobiography Mein Kampf, which is today starting it’s serialisation in the Irish magazine Feck. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/popeouting.php 2F50B030-B577-437C-9B1A-1F4DE2C7BB71 Tue, 28 Jun 2011 08:00:00 +0100 After taking out an injunction to stop his Twitter followers’ referring to him as a ginger twat, Mick Hucknall appears to have backtracked on his principles by visiting a Harley Street Hair Replacement Clinic. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/hucknall.php 1E86C362-B387-4273-A1CF-1F99C366B394 Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:30:52 +0100 If I ever go to court for shooting someone I'm not going to take the gun. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/features/idiot.htm#coat F9BDBC59-D909-4975-9325-0D3A1635381B Mon, 27 Jun 2011 09:06:26 +0100 Sources close to Peter Andre have reported that he's feeling well after his recent neck transplant operation. Peter opted to go in for this pioneering operation after being born without a neck almost 45 years ago. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/andreneck.php A6C7EF71-E9F4-4A72-BCA1-159F38CAB631 Mon, 27 Jun 2011 08:08:45 +0100 A number of Conservative MPs caused chaos on the A40 yesterday after becoming confused and agitated by a sign at a set of traffic lights saying 'No U-turns.' http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/mpsuturn.php E8157CA6-47FD-49B3-BC6D-FC348477EDB0 Fri, 24 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 Prime Minister David Cameron, texture like sun, has said that he intends to "get tough on exam mistakes and the causes of exam mistakes" adding, "I'm so angry I could frown." http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/transcript.php 1038213F-CC49-4BDD-A077-97B2AB816B95 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 Deep below the idyllic English backwater village of Stoke-on-Trent a team of Web Surveyors claim that they have discovered a rich seam of internet which they believe could supply up to 40 more years of the World Wide Web. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/technology/icann.php 4E2029B0-F9F0-4CD0-A241-3E608CF291D3 Wed, 22 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 Despite all evidence to the contrary the Conservative Party is insisting that Mayor of London Boris Johnson is a real person and not a character created by a comedian, or a big sausage in a silly wig. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/boris.php 0565CD5B-E20B-45AB-9870-50F92554CA3C Tue, 21 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 The Church of England is expected to announce that it's ok for bishops to look at another man's love sausage, and possibly even admire it as a fine example of sausagery, as long as they don't actually touch it. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/gaybishops.php B24A5E1E-F793-471D-A8B9-77649B942D13 Mon, 20 Jun 2011 13:29:24 +0100 "The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble." http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/features/idiot.htm#wart 2E3DCA56-1EC8-4121-91CD-8916F3F2A0AF Mon, 20 Jun 2011 10:57:13 +0100 Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland - including Scotland for the time being - Mr David Cameron, texture like sun, yesterday announced the first in a raft of legislation designed to keep our streets free of foul language and prevent the abuse of societies minorities, including the disabled, elderly and those with enough get up and go to get a job. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/yourmum.php B2185E72-8195-4C03-9E65-C8CFDD4044B5 Mon, 20 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) say they have now restored peace to downtown Vancouver, where last night numerous disaffected Canadians went on a midnight vigil after their team lost a game of hockey played on the ice. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/sport/canucks.php 226B482E-E6E1-4B7B-B1FE-776ED73C6AC0 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 14:19:51 +0100 The BBC Trust has grounded the BBC for a week without Playstation and ordered it to go round to the Primark's house and tell Mrs Primark that it is very sorry for blatantly accusing the Primarks of testing their clothing. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/primark.php E371E106-3449-4570-AC0C-737809DCF633 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 08:11:25 +0100 Civil servants have unanimously voted to spend the day shouting obscenities at Jeremy Kyle in bed before playing a bit of Farmville, wandering round the house, eating 5 bags of crisps for lunch and watching Cash in the Attic, prompting many people with real jobs to wonder if they'll even notice. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/teachers.php B9B9F99D-B445-459F-A8BE-41953B4865B1 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:00:55 +0100 Christians have reacted angrily to the suggestion that you should not suffer before death, pointing out that people had clearly forgotten that Jesus was nailed to a cross, which was a bit thoughtless of them, what with him dying for our sins and blah, blah, blah. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/suicide.php 64AE6BAA-4057-47CB-9594-753947E14587 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 Someone said to me recently "I forgot that was one of your pet hates." I forgave her for forgetting. I have a gigantic list of pet hates and it would be unreasonable of me to expect her to remember them all. Still, she's off the Christmas card list. Not that I ever send any. Did I mention what an arse I am? http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/features/editorial.htm#pets 1A4B7F28-521F-4CFB-AE25-7BAE47629354 Tue, 14 Jun 2011 14:21:22 +0100 David Miliband, older brother of Labour leader Ed Miliband, has strenuously denied claims that it was him who told Ed's first girlfriend about Eddie doing wee-wees in his bed and then crying when Mummy didn't believe it was really their doggy, Mr Numpty. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/milibandbros.php 3FABA859-C6C7-4986-B07D-C6ED25F6347C Tue, 14 Jun 2011 08:30:00 +0100 The National Institute of Knob and Fanny gags has revealed that Britain is heading towards a serious shortage of cock jokes after Ryan Giggs' penis sent the industry into a meltdown. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/giggs.php A63CC6C5-1DB5-49A1-A39F-3E17776FC5AE Sun, 12 Jun 2011 21:40:48 +0100 Prime Minister David Cameron, texture like sun, has been preparing his finest pair of duelling handbags for a showdown with Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Atkinson after replying to the Archbishop's criticism of the coalition by calling him a "nasty little bitch." http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/canterbury.php 124FA007-45DC-4867-A646-FCF57C606868 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 08:47:54 +0100 Prime Minister David Cameron, texture like sun, has joined with other MPs to kiss the bony royal arse of Britain's favourite Greek Bigot, His Royal Highness Prince Philip, who will celebrate his 2000th birthday on Friday. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/philip.php 052A96AE-EB14-4856-9DDC-BA8ACE48723A Thu, 9 Jun 2011 13:58:16 +0100 A survey has revealed that if you chuck a rock into a crowd you will hit at least three people who can instantly think of 20,000 things they give more of a shit about than Cheryl Cole right now. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/entertainment/cole.php 102B120D-931A-498A-A494-70C79EB284D7 Wed, 8 Jun 2011 08:40:40 +0100 The International Monetary Fuckers have told everyone in Britain to keep still while bankers check their pockets for any remaining pennies, saying "Shhh, it's going to be all right," until questioned about where all the money has gone, at which point they said "Look! A giant pigeon!" and ran away. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/current/imf.php 134BB5A5-D70F-4D0E-8364-9439AF1B5CE1 Tue, 7 Jun 2011 08:50:16 +0100 "Tobelrone is shit, and so is your fucking army knife" English football fans said to Switzerland this weekend, adding "and so are your fucking cuckoo clocks, and so is Roger fucking Federer. Fuckers." http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/sport/switzerland.php 6E230103-ACF6-470B-AB50-CB0E9B6646CE Mon, 6 Jun 2011 12:25:53 +0100 Tonight, Olympic Organiser in Chief, Lord Coe, has denied social engineering on a massive scale, after 250,000 ‘northern’ people were left without tickets for the 2012 Olympics, scheduled to be held in London, in 2012. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/sport/olympics.php BE5C5014-C9FA-453C-9995-04C78A311930 Mon, 6 Jun 2011 08:00:36 +0100 A report commissioned by Parliament has finally eased everyone's mind by putting a price tag on nature, ensuring that before long half of the chavs in Britain will be attempting to sell badgers on Ebay. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/nature.php 38805DDE-1B26-4E5B-904E-97882B9D5F86 Fri, 3 Jun 2011 08:14:26 +0100 A spokesman for the Ministry of Defence has confirmed that a further four deadly Attack Cucumbers are being sent to Libya, leading to speculation that British forces intend to shove them all up Gaddafi's arse. http://www.stinkyponky.co.uk/news/cucumber.php F7E33C0B-1198-4F1C-AB10-B1FC094ADDD8 Thu, 2 Jun 2011 07:47:24 +0100